• Walking: 16.1 km (Total 488.5 km)
• Weather: Rain

The final steps was strange, like something in me didn’t want it to end and something in me wanted to go home. You can’t walk like this forever. Nothing is forever. Like the rain, it was heavy, but the sky dried up.

Walking into a city I have always liked, but Paris was not one of them. So much poor people, I haven’t seen that for long time. People are mostly friendly, but you can see all their struggles in their faces and as a pilgrim I say hello to absolutely every one.

It’s like my soul is smiling and my body is working and what more can I ask for?

Bernt and I had chosen Sacré-Cœur on Montmartre as the final destination.

In this church there has been someone praying constantly for 135 years. I felt humble and grateful to walk in there and found a chair for a while to sit on.

After that I went to the coziest restaurant and asked for a glass of champagne and sent an SMS to one of my teachers in life and my family.

I walked very slow to the hotel. Knowing that I had fullfilled. Thanx again for the way.

«Do you believe in God?» a young boy (13) asked me last year. I answered: » I don’t believe in God, I know God exist».
It exist in every one, like Eva Dahlgreen’s song: «I am God, who are you?» God is a word used forever, but people mostly think of God as a cosmic bellboy they can pray to and get what they want, or be forgiven for their sins and so on, but the only one who can forgive, is yourself. God is living in everything that is alive. Its our power, our strength, our will, our love. So people have made a religion out of it, mostly based on people’s need to have something to get their comfort from, something to lean on and the church is scaring the shit out of people, with prayers and words and old stuff. Lot of it is good, but a lot of it is crap. Rules made by old men long time ago. The love they talk about is for those who believe. Believe in what? You should believe in the light inside you and dare to stand in your own light and shine. I know God exist in an universal way, that’s why Bernt calls me an animist,

Insight: I am God, who are you?

• Walking: 24.1 km (Total 472.4 km)
• Weather: Rain

Today it was raining cats and dogs and men and people from my hometown. Glad I brought with me my umbrella, if not, the mobile would have knelt. The Locus Map app,that I am using (the best there is) shows me the directions. If I had been without, I probably been lost. It’s flat the landscape, but its stupid to walk 2 degrees wrong directions for hours, then you end up somewhere else.

I went into a bar in the middle of nowhere and dried up a bit, said I wanted a big glass of red whine. It was the smallest big glass I ever have had, so I asked for another and walked fast after. In the end I walked into a MacDonald’s an said I wanted a big burger, and I got a cold, dry burger with å coke, think I used 5 second to swallow it and walked good again.

It became dark before I reached the destination .

Tomorrow is my last day walking and then I probably will right about this God-thing. Today I will share a new understanding I found on my way:

If you really, really, really want to be present and not react like an immature person in new situations, then you have to do the work and that means to meet what is showing up to you and not try to control life, behavior, avoid people and so on and start to dig deep and stay in the feelings showing up so they can be released.

The trauma (trauma = how we react to present circumstances based on past, unconscious programming that doesn’t arise to awareness and is hidden in the energetic body) research tells me that trauma does not arise as a memory. It arise as a reaction.

You can think and think and think a story over and over again and hope that it will go away one day or cling to it like a baby and feel sorry for yourself or blame others, but it’s just like monkeys in a tree, it will jump around you forever, unless you are willing to do the work.

If not you will keep on bleeding on thoose who never hurt you and live in a personal jail.

The triggers, are one part present circumstances and one part past trauma. This means that every trigger that happens to you is related to trauma. I had to finally dig with inquiry. Although I have been told: «dont look at the past». Really, its not what I have been doing (the thinking takes care of that stuff). There have been a few teachers in my life, supporting my digging, the physical pain and suffering has been enormous and I am so grateful that I never gave up. It was easy to turn away from this unconsciousness and simply be here now, but the ego still ruled a lot (wanting thing and the «needyness») and my reactions was running relationship to some degree and was related to my own trauma of growing up like a punk in Bergen. This «not wanted, not good enough stuff». So coming back to the essence has been the real journey.

Insight: Walk all the way, like Bob Dylan’s song: I shall be released.
And I am. Xxx

• Walking: 15.8 km (Total 448.3 km)
• Weather: Nice.

Easy-peasy walk, but a lot more noise since I am getting close to Paris. The walk had been so much easier without all the evening stuff, but its part of the game, I guess. I don’t need a day in Paris at all. I got what I came for and I enjoy the being on the way.

I am so overwhelmed over that the body restitutes overnight and works. This way is so good for getting closer to the inner space and the essence.

Joy has not been a natural attribute of my presence in my life, so much has been closed down because of early traumas, but it looks like the joy is manifesting again. I am learning. I am growing. The sabotaging element of the ego does not work anymore. That is really something!

Insight: Surrender.

• Walking: 35.4 km (Total 432.6 km)
• Weather: Nice.

It became dark before I reached the hotel. A long day’s walk for me and exciting to manage. All the differences in the landscape, all the beauty, all the energy it gives to be open for the not knowing. Thanx to my husband for supporting me all the way.

Loving every second of it.

Insight: to stay in the not knowing

• Walking: 28.0 km (Total 397.2 km)
• Weather: Nice.

A little hard day’s walk. Had to focus and meditate on the walk. It went well. In the end, there is all this stuff going on. Finding food, thinking the next step. I have a long walk tomorrow. Luckily the weather is with me.

Insight: The only way to stop thinking is to be present. I hate to Say it, but there is no other way

• Walking: 25.8 km (Total 269.3 km)
• Weather: Nice.

Today it was slow walking. Sunday walk. I talked to family and friends on facetime and enjoyed the real nice weather given to me. In the middle of my walk there was this pub showing up. My plan was to have lunch 200 meters further down the road, but I just had to go in there and have a beer.. Just one, and then I went out and found a bench and had my own «Betty’s Hard Rock Cafe».

I have to work on not let the mind’s fantasies about people show up. Men alone with to dogs. Men with guns hunting, two girls walking behind me for a long time and so on. I try to just trust life and this is not the day I’m gonna die, but the fantasy is taking over, how am I going ta react, if I could kill, if I could be killed and how. It is just å lot of thoughts jumping around in my brain, like monkeys in a three.

But it stops fast since I decide to trust life more than the thoughts.

Yeah, and I have to tell you, it was so cool that the chef and his wife of the restaurant Chez Jean from yesterday, stopped their car and said hello, they where on their way to same city. They wanted me to jump into the car, but no, there is the limit, I am walking to Paris, not hiking 🙂

Insight: Trust whats happening instead of the thinking

• Walking: 24.7 km (Total 343.5 km)
• Weather: Nice.

Today I walked like a machine. Fast. Started at 07:30 before the town had woken up. So nice. I walked along the river for 13 km and then took off.

Do you want to say something to the world or don’t you. Well, all the choices we make. Shall I walk right or left. Fast or slow. Who’s asking?

By the way, best hotel I ever have stayed on. Best service. Best room, best breakfast. Thanx a lot.

Insight: listening to the inner voice is easier when you walk the way.

• Walking: 18.0 km (Total 318.8 km)
• Weather: Nice.

I started to walk 07:30 today, towards the rising sun. I love the morning. And I have to say, it’s spectacular to walk into this open landscape. Everything is so beautiful wide open. It opens up the soul and you don’t have a change to be in other things than just be. It really gives concentration on the essential and it gives energy. Even through, I know I have walked for 8 days and I know the body needs a break. So I walked into Saint-Quentin, found the hotel and started doing the laundry of my walking clothes by hand. 

Tomorrow I will go swimming in a swimming facility they have here, and buy food for the next walking days. So glad I brought with me my sowing stuff, so I have something to do in the evenings.

The walking gives this natural silence and I try not to dictate what I am experiencing and that brings up curiosity about the true essence of pure consciousness. It is like being in the middle of what is. 

Silence is taking away struggle. 

Silence is the source of sound. It’s the partner of sound. There is no sound without silence. There is no silence without sound. The silence brings space for new spirit and it gives hope for more to come. 

Everyday the way surprise me, how I deal with what is showing up. I try to stay open and patience when I have nothing (like dinner or water served) and I look at my attitude when I have everything, like tonight. 

Insight: Du the things you are afraid of doing – you might set free. 

• Walking: 18.5 km (Total 300.8 km)
• Weather: Nice.

Today I walked the slowest I could, so in order not to end up too early at the B&B in the middle of nowhere. I was well prepared they didn’t serve dinner here, but I hoped for water-boiler for the Real Turmat instant meal. They had that. I’ve been into a few places without dinner, no water as well and no water boiler, so it has been banana for dinner and some left overs from lunch. I have dealt quit good with it. Part of the game. One more day walking and I will take a break and get my walking clothes washed.

I could have walked much faster and longer today, but its all about staying somewhere over the night, and that does not necessary be the ideal distance for me.

I am impressed that it s possible to be better and better fir. Thanx for that. I am still glad for doing the walk alone. It is so good time out of regular life.

This is my journey to Paris. I met my goal if it means that I don’t have to reject the now. So walking in the future, means to keep focus at the moment. Be fit, sleep, eat, drink enough water, packing, learning, kiss the fear good bye, Reading, writings, sowing, reading maps etc.

The present is part of the journey and there is nothing before me that I want to get or grasp, just this feeling alive and being stuff. I love it.

No goal for getting things different is often considered boring or lazy or half dead, but it is really the richest feeling.

Everybody loves that I am going to Paris and they keep asking me, what are you going to do in Paris? I answer: I will go home. The walk is the priority.

The luxury is the one step at the time and being happy that I have the guts to do it and a body that is willing to do the job. It is not to fill a hole in my soul, it’s just about taking responsible for my life. That I live it.
Just being.

There might be a deep longing in my, always, for not being seen for who I truly became, but, again, it’s just bullshit in the end, if I ended up respecting the one I am.

My gift to this world is being who I am, that’s my fulfillment. And I Say that to you: If you have any pains, psychological or in your knees or whatever: Start walking the Camino.

Insight: Meaning in life is not a result of any project or given to you like a present. Meaning is nothing your mind can find. Meaning is just falling into you, when you walk very long.