I started tracking on my watch just to see how far it was from Dover to Calais with a little walking, then boat, then inside bus, and then walk again to the hotel. It was 60 km and it took the whole day. Only a few boats takes foot passengers, so we ended up at one at 14 o’clock, and met the most wonderful group there.
Before that we where inside the church in Dover, St Mary’s. It was the first Day of a pilgrim festival and we were very welcome. Lovely.
Life never goes as planned and thanx for that, but it helps to have a guide so things can happen. We can all learn from others experience, they can open parts in you, but you need to be quit alone to find your inner space. The way gives me possibility to see the knowledge, so it can unfold from inside, so I can respond from the real place, and not from something learned or outside pressure.
Today it has been the oceans code, my wave, your wave, same ocean. That feels good.
Today’s walk was brilliant and we had full backpacks. Excited to feel how the body reacted on the weight, but that worked out good. Just normal tender, nothing else and that’s so Great. I really recommend other pilgrims to do what we did, cut the distance to Dover into two. It is a long time since we walked day after day and we are going to walk a long way, better to be safe than sorry, with Bernt.
Today I spent 2 minutes in an old church and that is always giving me energy. I love the church room, especially when it is empty, and there was a stamp for my pilgrims pass too.
I really enjoyed being today and of course I was trying to listen as much as possible to the sounds around me for to catch into the presence. So who is the I walking? Definitely not the ego or the personality or the body. When walking in silence really role, its like being part of it all and that is such a great experience. When I really forget the weight, the walk, the past, the wounds, but just are in the moment. This is what I pay for. The flame helps me not being arrogant or close down. The road helps me to burn away the accumulation of the past, so I can breath and live in the reality. I can be complete alone and not feel lonely on my way to Paris, which is the promised distance this time. This destination is not a place in time, but rather a new way of being and seeing.
It is so lovely to just be, authentic and not an imitation or å reaction. This intimacy with my heart makes me feel so rich and the soberness is allowing peace. I recommend every one to walk their way.
The utter loneliness that I have felt and feared all my life, has finally become my friend.. No more busy judging others or myself.
You can be a punk rocker or you can be a pilgrim, it’s almost the same. You take a brake from the society and the system, that makes you feel in a hurry or to small. The road is a solution for me to find out more about life and whats in it for me. And I don’t think about me/me, but the part of me that makes me feel like an universal goddess instead of an outdated old lady.
Why am I here? Where are I going? That questions does not really need answers when I find peace in me, while I am walking. My questions are just burning next to me, and I don’t really need or want the answers because it burns out the flame. It burns out the flame like all other fake stuff do, like success, money, alcohol, needs, desires emotional reactions and blabla.
A Punk says: Fuck the system A pilgrim says: Let go of the system.
So the grown up woman that I am, walks the way to stay in mother nature, where I belong.
The system is no more than an ego drive, witch has its agenda that fills your schedule and it makes you feel important, but does it makes you feel you?
Today a new journey started for me, and my husband. A new walk, a new long process, and the only thing we want out of it is to enjoy being. It sounds simple, but we also have our inner talks that keeps us from enjoying life, and we also tries to deal with it. Walking is the way.
And its funny to walk and observe how little stuff we actually need to survive, through our backpacks are heavy enough.
Today we did an initial walk. We left most of our stuff in the hotel. Building up the walking strength. Tomorrow we will carry it all to Dover.
We all have to deal with our own lives, and at some point we have to decide if we want to sit and watch TV or walk a dog in the park, or if you really want to kiss your fears goodbye and walk the line.
And enjoy being.
In 2019 I walked 4040 km from Norway to Roma and it showed me that people all over å generally good and on the way I caught up my own value.
I am value.
Lately I have unpacked the reality like a Christmas present, one by one.
All the bullshit, all the crap I have carried on my psychological backpack, all the stores from my past has left the Building, like Elvis did, one time.
All the distortion, all the bad thoughts is left on the pilgrim’s path to Rome, and here I am again, enjoying being fullest.
I am burning again.
No money in this world can buy this being stuff. It feels priceless. And my constant inquiry and my stubborn belief in every human being right and my soul is smiling endlessly!
I want to be in life either its good or bad. If I have to struggle – I struggle.. If life is good – its good, that’s all. I am sure that life and the way will show me what I need to be shown before I pass out with my last breath.
It is good to have this trust.
I will keep unpacking the real.
This Two Souls – Two Shirts journey will help me not being stuck in my head.
The ego will always try to be needy and stressed and important and never satisfied, and even put me or other people down, (all the unsolved stuff), repeat it self and steal my life, but I know how it looks like now and its not mine.. The needs, the blame, the same, the wanting, the never good enough stuff is all distortion.
My time in my life is running out. And when I do follow the road that is given to me, then I stay in love with life and I can feel the growing and in much more contact with who I am. The deepen, the solid ground, the mature and so on.
The intimacy with my heart gives me the flame and it is all happening on the road.
There has been a lot of preparations in different ways. Packing, unpacking. Saving small Boxes for stuff I like to bring with me, tours on Sunday, but the last tour from home was today.
Beautiful weather. I walked the first 11 kilometers under 3 hours, so I am better fit and ready to run.
We are starting from Canterbury Monday September 19th. Today we booked the first night in the Pilgrim Hotel.
Once again I don’t know why I am walking and doing my life this way, but I am in No need for the answer. Really, I don’t need nothing. New shoes could be one thing, but I think my old ones will last for this next trip.
I will enjoy being and let the Inquiry deepen me. Let the questions burn and let the body do what it’s best to. No goal, No cover up, No wanna be. Just feel the fire and leave the rest to the Way. My mind would love to have a goal, and the ego as well. Less of this, more of that, but honestly, I could not care less, I am burning with the flame of Inquiry and that’s so exciting. I know that the road will show me what I need in the moment. Life feels a lot easier now, When I don’t have to know, but just let go.
It was raining cats and dogs. I mean a lot. And it was cold. But I walked from home with all my rain wear on. 18 kilos on my back. Brought with me my tent, sleeping bag, gas stove and so on. And it worked really well. My body could take it, my knees were good. Good to go. I was so happy and proud.
A lot of paved roads on this day, but I have the best of shoes.
But one thing I decided on this preparation tour 7: «never pitch a tent alone again». It’s just to much job. I didn’t enjoy it. Making dinner on the gas stove, inflate the sleeping mat etc. I am just to old for this now. I can do it while my husband is with me, that’s another thing, but not alone anymore. It was a sad feeling to accept this, but this is reality.
My son came out to the camping site in the morning and we had swim in the sea. The weather turned out really good. I took the bus back home.
From home to Storsand Camping
Distance: 14.1 km
Time: 5:28
Insight: The idealization of fixing tent life as a pilgrim is now just a distortion of my reality.
Started from home with a 12 kg backpack. The sky was blue and it was hot enough, so after 3 km I had a one hour break, and cooled myself in the sea. The feeling is strong and good.
One thing I am really working on is that I am always complaining that other people are not doing what it takes to stop being afraid and get healthy. I have to learn to observe their choices, and not try to give them suggestions and advice, but just look at their choices, understand their character and decide what I am going to allow in my life.
From home to Jakobsli
Distance: 9.7 km
Time: 3:16
Insight: Self love is good, doing the job is good, but I must remember to be aware, and act on what I say and do. Self love without awareness is useless.
My aunt wrote to me once: If you want to walk 1000 miles, you have to take the first step. I think I am on a good track for that. One mile in Norway is 10 km, by the way.
Started from home again and in the direction the body told me. The rain was on and off. The body was on and off. I met our pilgrim friends on their way home. We updated each other’s life and I forgot to take pictures, so I took one when they were gone. You can see them if you look good. After 8 km I stopped thinking about both. Reset on a bench next to the church my sons had their Confirmation. Visited my old psychiatrist Arnfinn’s tombstone. I went to him once a week for 19 years. He was hit by a car in a zebra crossing one day while he was walking to his office. He died instantly. I tried to call him 5 minutes before to say I was late for my appointment with him. But his phone had been forwarded to the wrong mobile, so I could not reach him. I have of course been through this time after time. What if…….
They say you live as long as you live in someone’s heart. He definitely lives in mine. He turned 60 that year. I walked a little longer, thinking about him. He became a friend of our familie, was at our wedding and attended many of my concerts.
He supported me like a father should have done. I have always had this drive. Tons of projects and activities that in the end numbed me and made me exhausted. Even though I became sick of it, it was so hard to let go, I became insisting and virtually maniacal. To be seen and to have something to do became so intense as the drive itself. I wanted something from the outside, instead of investing in the inside. Arnfinn gave me space to heal myself, and gave me acceptance for who I am and listened to all the boring sad stuff from my early years. But it had to be done, so I could breath and be mature and not take the blame anymore. My walking gives me the space for more insight of who I am without support from others.
It is expected and accepted in society to have a project or job that gives excitement, importance and meaning. And I do my very best in trying to let that go, because I can’t anymore, I get so stressed and the heart beat goes to 11. Society says: «you are somebody» if you do so and so. I am learning to never be someone. The feeling of meaninglessness and no value has often been confronted. It’s good to walk, but I have to be careful that it is not another activity that has tons of expectations, that needs likes.
I passed a football match and stopped the watch and took the bus back home.
From home to Downtown over Moholt
Distance: 11.7 km
Time: 4:31
Insight: I have to walk and heal all that hurts me, if not, I will bleed on those who never cut me.
Today I tried not to know where I was going when I left home. It’s hard because the «I» in me wants to be in charge. But it worked out fine and I ended up at Saksvikskorsen which is a nice spot for pilgrims about 6 km from home. I sat there for at least one hour and just listened to the sounds around me.
I had an 8 kg backpack. 3 liters of water, clothes, food etc. The weight works well for 10 kilometers at least. I think I will walk with 8-9 kg on some more trips before I carry a tent, sleeping bag etc. Have to build up the shape again. If I keep on walking like this the summer through, I also need new Hoka hiking boots before the London – Paris tour.
The weather was sunny, even though the forecast was rain. If you live this far up north, it’s always risky to leave home without an all-season jacket. Maybe that’s why everyone looks the same here 🙂
The body worked well and I spontaneously almost went for å longer road, but then the «I» decided to cut it off, better safe than sorry. So I walked down to the seaside again and looked at the new train station and the nice place they had made in front of that.
I took the bus home again.
From home to the Vikhammer
Distance: 14.4 km
Time: 4:38
Innsight: A pilgrim’s walk creates the opportunity to be aware of everything at once – the totality.
Started after 12 o’clock. Waited to see my youngest son and husband left by car to Ålesund, because his mother is at the end of her journey, 88 years old.
The direction was to the city centre, which has a nice path all the way to the city. I walked Pilgrimsleden for 5 km before it turn left and leaves the fjord, while I kept walking along the path. Nice weather, nice walk and this day my mantra was to feel the value of walking. Be in the walking. Feel the walking. Listen to all the sounds around me that is not coming from «the me».
My backpack was 7 kg, and yes, I do need to carry more heavy stuff for the training. The first person I met was the drummer of a punk-band from Trondheim, called «Sjølmord» (Suicide). Their single from 1979 is now worth 150 euros on the market. It was a bit strange to meet him, because lately I have wondered where life has taken him. He is a good walker. I am not so sure that he likes me, but since I have stopped caring about who likes me, it’s ok. Strong women can be hard to swallow for some people. He talked a lot about his life and didn’t ask much of mine, which is fine by me, so we ended the chat very sure that moving is the best way of dealing with life. He looked sharp and I told him.
There are some ups and downs on the path and I took the hard rock café after 5 km. It’s nice to walk next to the sea and I know I have to do that alot on my journey from London to Paris. After 8 km, you can see the town and its great view from the last high point on the path.
I met a girl that remembered me from school. After taking a few minutes I remembered her. «Everyone knows the ape – the ape dont know anyone». She had also hit the wall and tried to fill her days with meaningful things, like walking. A good chat, but mostly I like to be in silence and walk alone.
It might seem weird to walk like a pilgrim, but it’s wonderful. It puts «the me» out of thinking and gives space for real life. You can be the observator for all that is going on and you stop criticizing yourself or others.. It’s just not relevant or interesting to be in that kind of state.
In the town I met my stepson and my oldest son, and we ate dinner together. We had å good time. It’s hard to have an appointment which is at 17:00, when you walk, so I had to rush the last kilometers. Don’t like that stress.
Today I thought that I am not willing to be obedient to the system that conserves my old behavior patterns, and I have to accept that. It takes effort, it does not necessary feel so cool, but it is the right thing to do. It is strange that to do the right thing can be so painful. But something in me support my right to say «no» instead of «yes». It’s not that I am disobedient all the time, but something inside me supports me in my right to say «no», instead of «yes». Unless I am able to say «no», my «yes» means less.
Today I also started from home. That’s «newish». What I have learned from my walk to Roma is a lot, and one thing is that what the road show you, must be integrated in your everyday life. And it’s so funny because when I turn on my watch and start the first steps, all experience, all nature, all I see around me, I see as a pilgrim, totally new and majestic. It probably sounds crazy, but its true. When I walk as å pilgrim, I totally walk in my own pace, being as present as I am able to.
It was a bit heavy the first 8 kilometers, a little bit heavy backpack, as planned and my feet where heavy too. Came to a gate where I could help a woman in wheelchair to open it and she said: You look so fit. Well, I try I answered. I made up my mind to give compliments if I happened to meet someone today. I walked through «Stokkbekdalen», a beautiful valley a 20 minute walk from home. The sound of the birds and the sharpness in the green colors, I could eat it. 30 years ago was my first walk through there, with my oldest son (he was one year then) and I felt the same gratitude like i did back then. After 5 km I always stop, even if I could carry on walking, because a 2 minute break works better than none. On the road again and into the woods it became heavy, specially because I desperately needed a restroom. I didn’t carry toilet paper with me, so I went to the complex where my doctor has office and used theirs and then off again. So to next walk, I will bring with toilet paper, Anitbac and a charging chord, because my cellphone is «eating» battery power due to GPS usage. I always use the Locus Map application on my walks.
I met one of the sisters to my youngest son’s girlfriend and I remember ed to Say it was Nice to meet her. Half an hour later I met her Brother, walking on the way which today reminded me most of a pilgrimage camino. A wonderful spot in Trondheim. Leirfossen.
Look at the bird besides him. So cool. I remembered to say he was a cool boy and life will do him well. A good chat.
I sat on the most beautiful cemetery in Trondheim, took of my shoes and had my lunch. God, I love those moments.
The sun was shining and the food was working. I used to call this breaks for Betty Hard Rock Cafe on my way to Rome. Strangely enough I found a graffiti today, with the text «Rome» (First pictures I took after I left home).
When I pass 10 km it felt like I could walk forever. But I know for sure that s not true. At the end of today’s walk I visited Stig and Marte, they got married one year ago. She has 3 kids from before, he has 2. Today they had bought a dog and a cabin and I congratulated them a lot. Brave people. They had this Pride-flag on their house, I think I will buy one and put it our house. My conservative neighbors will probably like me even more than they normally do 🙂
Took the bus back home. A good day
Every walking day I start with yoga and I read something that I can use as a mantra throughout the day. And today it was how can I simply just be in my experience and what does it do to me?
Definitely I become more happy. I don’t ask for the happiness, but that’s what happens. The more I dare to be present the more OK I feel. But of course my brain tries to bring me out of it and into what I have learned, to be in the future or the past, but the presence lasts longer and longer.
I don’t want to behave like a poor, offended, needy and jealous girl, I work to be in the presence as a mature woman. I feel so rich when I take this responsibility for my self, and yes, I am rich, I come from Norway. It is interesting how I feel satisfied when I am responsible for my day. Sure I can be happy when I am having a holiday, but can I be happy in my regular life, Monday, Tuesday etc……? The road makes me feel precious & royal, open and free and there is no show-off in it. No need for «likes», no need to be seen and I love that. So now I will use some months to save money for my journey from London to Paris.
From home to the Rosten
Distance: 17 km
Time: 6:14
Insight: When I am present all the Ideas about myself dissolves and I become happy. Probably because the Ideas is not real.
Eg e' på vandring 