• Walking: 23,3 km (Total 104.93 km)
• Weather: rain

Wet Wet Wet.
A walk in heavy Rain.
But strangely enough it was fun. We got good clothes and the temperature is 15 degrees in the daytime. All the nature here really deserves this weather,. The summer they have had has been dry.

I am good at focusing and my brain is my slave, so I did this kilometers with no quarrel with it.

The relationships you have with your thoughts or your habit to deag the situation down, because of some unsolved past, is really showing up in this situations. I registered that this fight has gone and that’s a victory for me. The brain also has its addictions, it has learned to repeat it self and it can be unlearned, but it takes some time.

A life without addictions, is that possible? A life free from inner pain is that possible? A life with peace inside is that possible?

The strange thing and a simple solution is that if you look at the moment and don’t try to changer or fix it, then you accept what is and the pain you tried to avoid, disappears. Its strange, but after 40 years working on this stuff, I really have to say, it works. It is the flame of my own search.

All the questions that we try to find answers to, in our minds, will never happen. If you answers it with your mind, it burns out the fire. The inquiry stops. It’s the level where you think you know where you are going and why you are here in this world – you get stuck. Then there is no more hunger, No more fire.

So, on a say like this, it really pays off the Work I have done. It is not possible for the old learned whining to go on. The body moves, the mind is still, the soul is enjoying.

Learned from earlier walking is that we need to rest soon. A day off, but we will take another slow walking tomorrow, and then……

Insight: Don’t let your thoughts fly around like monkeys in a tree.

Walking: 22.5 km (Total 81.7 km)
Weather: cloudy, some rain

They promised us rain, but it was nothing. Just a few drops on our heads and for a person born in Bergen and a person from Malm its just feels like freshness. Especially since its over 15 degrees.

It is always a matter of letting the heart listen. When I am walking I am listening and listening. The monotonous walk is like meditation. So when the thinking is starting I make a choice if I have to think the thoughts that is bringing up. Stories from the past or new stories with some complications in them. It is so cool that I have this choice. so I can enjoy this ride.

My deep longing is for the real. So my work is to be free from my ego and be myself. The essence.

Like Ramakrishna said: I don’t want to be sugar, I want to taste sugar».

Be a clear and open channel, so I can be. Just be.

And this flame inside, that makes my soul smile endlessly is always burning when I walk. It is difficult to explain the feeling, the drive, the force, the strength in it, because it has some anthropomorphic conception of divinity in it. But this road takes me away from desire and aims and the Emptiness in it. The way gives me å richer and more royal feeling of being å human being.

Why am i in this world?

And what did an original do?

Make a plan to go some where?

Always looking for answers instead of leaving the questions alone?

The questions don’t need answers. They just need attention. They need respect. Noen of the suestions can be answered by the mind anyway, I just have to stay in them and be.

The most difficult and challenging thing in our society – is to be, without being somebody who has done something right or good or praiseworthy.

Those who say they have the answers, don’t really know, they know nothing, they too.. They think they do,¨ but that’s the problem, they force life, to make it happen instead of listening and let life happen. That’s the problem for all humanity, so they use drugs, alcohol, running, knowing the right people and so on, because they want to be important, instead of being important and busy with what life tells them to be or do.

You can’t fool life, you cant’t decide when you where born or going to die or others, or who you gonna meet. Universe takes care of those things. Nobody can tell you what to do or feel or be or Say.

Walking: 23.9 km (Total 59.1 km)
Weather: good

You can have all the money you like, it doesn’t give you this. This journey is all about having guts to do it. The real wealth is when your soul is smiling endlessly. Take a look at what makes you smile. Real wealth is to be brave and conquer the fear and grow. Real wealth is to feel the divine and spirit in everything around you and not wanting more. Look for the lover in yourself. We all want to be openhearted. What’s holding us back is fear and the story (what they told you and what you later told yourself) Fear is your only God.

The lover inside you is celebrating existence and doesn’t use the time to test that others are wrong or stupid. The lover loves! Everything! All the true! It’s Perfect to feel this dizziness and not using time on what the mind like to think about this.

So this has been such a Perfect Day! Walking a lot on the beach (quit heavy), feeling the wind, the sun, listen to the birds and the waves. Who can ask for more?

Insight: Personal freedom is away from letting the mind decide.

I started tracking on my watch just to see how far it was from Dover to Calais with a little walking, then boat, then inside bus, and then walk again to the hotel. It was 60 km and it took the whole day. Only a few boats takes foot passengers, so we ended up at one at 14 o’clock, and met the most wonderful group there.

Before that we where inside the church in Dover, St Mary’s. It was the first Day of a pilgrim festival and we were very welcome. Lovely.

Life never goes as planned and thanx for that, but it helps to have a guide so things can happen. We can all learn from others experience, they can open parts in you, but you need to be quit alone to find your inner space. The way gives me possibility to see the knowledge, so it can unfold from inside, so I can respond from the real place, and not from something learned or outside pressure.

Today it has been the oceans code, my wave, your wave, same ocean. That feels good.

Insight: This pearl has No price.

Walking: 17.6 km (Total 37.2 km)
Weather: good

Today’s walk was brilliant and we had full backpacks. Excited to feel how the body reacted on the weight, but that worked out good. Just normal tender, nothing else and that’s so Great. I really recommend other pilgrims to do what we did, cut the distance to Dover into two. It is a long time since we walked day after day and we are going to walk a long way, better to be safe than sorry, with Bernt.

Today I spent 2 minutes in an old church and that is always giving me energy. I love the church room, especially when it is empty, and there was a stamp for my pilgrims pass too.

I really enjoyed being today and of course I was trying to listen as much as possible to the sounds around me for to catch into the presence. So who is the I walking? Definitely not the ego or the personality or the body. When walking in silence really role, its like being part of it all and that is such a great experience. When I really forget the weight, the walk, the past, the wounds, but just are in the moment. This is what I pay for. The flame helps me not being arrogant or close down. The road helps me to burn away the accumulation of the past, so I can breath and live in the reality. I can be complete alone and not feel lonely on my way to Paris, which is the promised distance this time. This destination is not a place in time, but rather a new way of being and seeing.

It is so lovely to just be, authentic and not an imitation or å reaction. This intimacy with my heart makes me feel so rich and the soberness is allowing peace. I recommend every one to walk their way.

The utter loneliness that I have felt and feared all my life, has finally become my friend.. No more busy judging others or myself.

Insight: What are you saving yourself for?

Walking: 19.9 km
Weather: good

You can be a punk rocker or you can be a pilgrim, it’s almost the same. You take a brake from the society and the system, that makes you feel in a hurry or to small. The road is a solution for me to find out more about life and whats in it for me. And I don’t think about me/me, but the part of me that makes me feel like an universal goddess instead of an outdated old lady.

Why am I here? Where are I going? That questions does not really need answers when I find peace in me, while I am walking. My questions are just burning next to me, and I don’t really need or want the answers because it burns out the flame. It burns out the flame like all other fake stuff do, like success, money, alcohol, needs, desires emotional reactions and blabla.

A Punk says: Fuck the system
A pilgrim says: Let go of the system.

So the grown up woman that I am, walks the way to stay in mother nature, where I belong.

The system is no more than an ego drive, witch has its agenda that fills your schedule and it makes you feel important, but does it makes you feel you?

Today a new journey started for me, and my husband. A new walk, a new long process, and the only thing we want out of it is to enjoy being. It sounds simple, but we also have our inner talks that keeps us from enjoying life, and we also tries to deal with it. Walking is the way.

And its funny to walk and observe how little stuff we actually need to survive, through our backpacks are heavy enough.

Today we did an initial walk. We left most of our stuff in the hotel. Building up the walking strength. Tomorrow we will carry it all to Dover.

We all have to deal with our own lives, and at some point we have to decide if we want to sit and watch TV or walk a dog in the park, or if you really want to kiss your fears goodbye and walk the line.

And enjoy being.

In 2019 I walked 4040 km from Norway to Roma and it showed me that people all over å generally good and on the way I caught up my own value.

I am value.

Lately I have unpacked the reality like a Christmas present, one by one.

All the bullshit, all the crap I have carried on my psychological backpack, all the stores from my past has left the Building, like Elvis did, one time.

All the distortion, all the bad thoughts is left on the pilgrim’s path to Rome, and here I am again, enjoying being fullest.

I am burning again.

No money in this world can buy this being stuff. It feels priceless. And my constant inquiry and my stubborn belief in every human being right and my soul is smiling endlessly!

I want to be in life either its good or bad. If I have to struggle – I struggle.. If life is good – its good, that’s all. I am sure that life and the way will show me what I need to be shown before I pass out with my last breath.

It is good to have this trust.

I will keep unpacking the real.

This Two Souls – Two Shirts journey will help me not being stuck in my head.

The ego will always try to be needy and stressed and important and never satisfied, and even put me or other people down, (all the unsolved stuff), repeat it self and steal my life, but I know how it looks like now and its not mine..
The needs, the blame, the same, the wanting, the never good enough stuff is all distortion.

My time in my life is running out. And when I do follow the road that is given to me, then I stay in love with life and I can feel the growing and in much more contact with who I am. The deepen, the solid ground, the mature and so on.

The intimacy with my heart gives me the flame and it is all happening on the road.

Catch you up tomorrow 🙂

Insight: Carry the flame of inquiry

There has been a lot of preparations in different ways. Packing, unpacking. Saving small Boxes for stuff I like to bring with me, tours on Sunday, but the last tour from home was today. 

Beautiful weather. I walked the first 11 kilometers under 3 hours, so I am better fit and ready to run. 

We are starting from Canterbury Monday September 19th. Today we booked the first night in the Pilgrim Hotel. 

Once again I don’t know why I am walking and doing my life this way, but I am in No need for the answer. Really, I don’t need nothing. New shoes could be one thing, but I think my old ones will last for this next trip. 

I will enjoy being and let the Inquiry deepen me. Let the questions burn and let the body do what it’s best to. No goal, No cover up, No wanna be. Just feel the fire and leave the rest to the Way.  My mind would love to have a goal, and the ego as well. Less of this, more of that, but honestly, I could not care less, I am burning with the flame of Inquiry and that’s so exciting. I know that the road will show me what I need in the moment. Life feels a lot easier now, When I don’t have to know, but just let go. 

• From home to Solbakken and back home
• Distance: 16.0 km
• Time: 4:25

Insight: I am on fire again. 

It was raining cats and dogs. I mean a lot. And it was cold. But I walked from home with all my rain wear on. 18 kilos on my back. Brought with me my tent, sleeping bag, gas stove and so on. And it worked really well. My body could take it, my knees were good. Good to go. I was so happy and proud.

A lot of paved roads on this day, but I have the best of shoes. 

But one thing I decided on this preparation tour 7: «never pitch a tent alone again». It’s just to much job. I didn’t enjoy it. Making dinner on the gas stove, inflate the sleeping mat etc. I am just to old for this now. I can do it while my husband is with me, that’s another thing, but not alone anymore. It was a sad feeling to accept this, but this is reality.

My son came out to the camping site in the morning and we had swim in the sea. The weather turned out really good. I took the bus back home. 

• From home to Storsand Camping
• Distance: 14.1 km
• Time: 5:28

Insight: The idealization of fixing tent life as a pilgrim is now just a distortion of my reality. 

Started from home with a 12 kg backpack. The sky was blue and it was hot enough, so after 3 km I had a one hour break, and cooled myself in the sea. The feeling is strong and good. 

One thing I am really working on is that I am always complaining that other people are not doing what it takes to stop being afraid and get healthy. I have to learn to observe their choices,
and not try to give them suggestions and advice, but just look at their choices, understand their character and decide what I am going to allow in my life. 

• From home to Jakobsli
• Distance: 9.7 km
• Time: 3:16

Insight: Self love is good, doing the job is good, but I must remember to be aware, and act on what I say and do. Self love without awareness is useless. 

My aunt wrote to me once: If you want to walk 1000 miles, you have to take the first step. I think I am on a good track for that. One mile in Norway is 10 km, by the way.

Started from home again and in the direction the body told me. The rain was on and off. The body was on and off. I met our pilgrim friends on their way home. We updated each other’s life and I forgot to take pictures, so I took one when they were gone. You can see them if you look good. After 8 km I stopped thinking about both. Reset on a bench next to the church my sons had their Confirmation. Visited my old psychiatrist Arnfinn’s tombstone. I went to him once a week for 19 years. He was hit by a car in a zebra crossing one day while he was walking to his office. He died instantly. I tried to call him 5 minutes before to say I was late for my appointment with him. But his phone had been forwarded to the wrong mobile, so I could not reach him. I have of course been through this time after time. What if…….

They say you live as long as you live in someone’s heart. He definitely lives in mine. He turned 60 that year. I walked a little longer, thinking about him. He became a friend of our familie, was at our wedding and attended many of my concerts.

He supported me like a father should have done. I have always had this drive. Tons of projects and activities that in the end numbed me and made me exhausted. Even though I became sick of it, it was so hard to let go, I became insisting and virtually maniacal. To be seen and to have something to do became so intense as the drive itself. I wanted something from the outside, instead of investing in the inside. Arnfinn gave me space to heal myself, and gave me acceptance for who I am and listened to all the boring sad stuff from my early years. But it had to be done, so I could breath and be mature and not take the blame anymore. My walking gives me the space for more insight of who I am without support from others.

It is expected and accepted in society to have a project or job that gives excitement, importance and meaning. And I do my very best in trying to let that go, because I can’t anymore, I get so stressed and the heart beat goes to 11. Society says: «you are somebody» if you do so and so. I am learning to never be someone. The feeling of meaninglessness and no value has often been confronted. It’s good to walk, but I have to be careful that it is not another activity that has tons of expectations, that needs likes.

I passed a football match and stopped the watch and took the bus back home.

• From home to Downtown over Moholt
• Distance: 11.7 km
• Time: 4:31

Insight: I have to walk and heal all that hurts me, if not, I will bleed on those who never cut me.